How can I use Erotic Energy to fuel my creative projects?
I sat down this morning to write a blog post after being gone from my blog all summer. True, my travels were wonderful and life-changing. True also that trying to start writing again was daunting. I stared at the blank screen. I looked at my notes. I researched if Albert Einstein felt guilty for his role in the atom bomb. I looked at a zine on consent. I vented about consent. But still, nothing brilliant or gorgeous was, ahem, coming.
After awhile of this, I told my partner, (contentedly writing at his desk across from me) that I was stuck with my writing. I was hoping he’d inspire me. You know, get my juices flowing. Or distract me. But instead, he nodded sagely, and continued his own writing project. No help there. I got up, got some sage and smudged my desk and computer.
Then I remembered some advice my friend Captain had once given me. When I was trying to figure out what to do with my life, he said “Masturbate, but don’t come. Do it frequently, until you know what you want!” So I went upstairs, took off my pants, and laying on my bed, let my junk bask in the warmth of the sun coming through my window.
Surrendering to the morning sun, I started to breathe into my pelvis. The deep connection between erotic energy and creativity is one I know. It was clear that my stuck place in writing was sourced from my own body. My hands drew lazy, sweet circles on my body. Touching, relaxing, stimulating. Eventually, I called on my Magic Wand, and together we journeyed. I thought of the irony of the name “the magic wand” and how like a pen a wand is. How writing and fucking are connected for me.
I let myself turn myself on. I allowed my erotic energy build. I consciously pulled it throughout my body, letting every part of my body taste the yumminess. Using breath, and the movement of my body to feel the sexy everywhere. I knew I was not going to let myself orgasm, so there was no urgency, no goal. It was just turn-on.
As pleasure built, it became clear that I could write about this, my accountability for my own turn-on, my own erotic energy, my own creative process. My partner is not responsible for turning me on; I am! Using my tools of breath, placement of attention (helped by the warmth of the sun) and movement, I was able to unlock the Eros within.
Often in my sexual past, orgasm has been the goal, and admittedly I’ve had some orgasm obsession. Like trying to time it just right. Trying to get there with my partner. Trying to have the biggest fattest orgasm that lasts forever. Trying to be multi-orgasmic. Trying trying trying.
Or, even more challenging, “Orgasm Chasing,” as my teachers call it. Using muscular constriction, making orgasm the definitive moment of a sexual encounter. Trying really hard to come. Either to get it over with as soon as possible (pleasure can be hard to bear,) or because I’m afraid my partner might bail and then I would miss out, so better get it quick. Building to orgasm but not coming circumvents the entire orgasm dilemma.
Using held orgasmic energy to fuel creative process is a fabulous and inspirational trick. It served me well today, and I hope it will serve you. Try it, if you haven’t, or revisit it if it’s been awhile.